Dream

I was tired and don't remember all of it.  Anyway, I remember I was in bed, and I felt people on the sides of me.  I think my arms were being like held, and it felt good, kinda like serious, kinda fuzzy, not necessarily 2 physical hands but not just a force.  I was in a hotel.  I was imagining a series of things happening, I think sometimes with Ellen DeGeneres.  So, I was in the bed, which felt like a fold-out couch bed, with white sheets.  My ears were being pinched, and they couldn't pinch them.  They were being pierced.  This lated awhile but not too too long.  Then, I said something about how I shaved my face.  It as Anne Hathaway.  I said there was hair on my mustache, which I don't know if there is.  She buzzed it, and it just felt good, didn't feel much.  Then, she quickly zipped up my nostrels and I yelled out upset.  Then, a dark shadow of Ellen DeGeneres quickly bent over and hugged me from my head.  It gave me a feeling.  It was for awhile but not very realistic and not the best feeling.  Then, for a long time, the figure massaged the middle of the base limbs of my arms.  Sometimes, I went out it seemed but not just like that, some reason I think.  Sometimes, I think of her roots, and now she was imposing on me the thoughts of her own dad.  Like, she was connecting it to her in my dream.  This lasted so long, the massaging of my arms, which was probably something I was trying to feel and decided to dream about it.  I think I finally got up.  It was a long time, and I thought it was still about her.  Anyway, my cousin had been there.  I saw her.  My face looked different, supposedly influenced from being Jewish.  It had kinda a porcelain look, with more rounded eyes rather than like stretched out round eyes.  My cousin like emitted "Chinese."  She was a little smaller, looked a bit like me when I was younger, like this picture of me when I'm 2-3 up north but not much.  So, I sat with her and some interesting things happened.  Then, it turned out that my aunt's husband's son and some other boys who looked like him were really Ellen DeGeneres at 1 point I think when I was awake, though I don't remember what it really was.  It was like she came back or like an idea of Olivia Newton-John, in the end.  So, we were in a car, and it was like someone was driving and it was hard, and then someone like Olivia Newton-John drove.  I don't remember what was going on, but it's not as interesting as me lying down in the dark.

Dream

It was kinda really dangerous in ways was dangerous from the start I mean.  I think Ellen DeGeneres was in it.  It was a dark place where you find rooms, like in a video game or fantasy.  I went to a class of Órla Fallon twice, with my family, going through text, and I conquered in the end.  She left, at 1 point.  I think I was onto her.  It was about me not following her in the summer having a baby and how I was seeing if following her would work out.  She had a low, resonating voice with a twanging, non-country, in it, like my harp's low notes got, around when her baby was born.  Then, there was a time when a little magical demon came that was magical and trying to murder us, I guess, though it wasn't like crystal clear as to what it was doing, probably jumping about, more like "the" villain.  It went behind a like cheap sorta carpeted, gray wall.  I guess it came back with 3 more people there.  It was like I was there with my mom and dad, didn't want to be with them in this dream, for the 1st time, felt a lot of irritation.  So, then, these 2 long, tall characters were like fighting it and got it in a box and were killing it with zaps, like saying it was Voldemort.  Then, I woke up.  It was interesting, nice I conquered and was gonna follow this person in the summer, follow in some way, like studying.

Dreams

Right now, I'm thinking of the 2nd 1.  I guess I'll go into a part where someone was kinda in it, Ellen DeGeneres, but I was trying to imagine someone carrying me and someone putting their hand around me.  So, 1st, I imagined like for awhile sometime that someone was carrying me at my butt to their hip.  Stuff like that, like how my legs were actually short and my torso was shorter, something I never thought about, like thought about about nor maybe totally noticed.  Then I imagined I was walking and a someone I was able to make up between 3 people was putting her arm around me to like my elbow for awhile, was a but sappy and then their other hand like over the front of me in places.  At 1 point, I was even imagining in a prior dream, that I was being rubbed but stopped, maybe my stomach.  I'm not sure why, but I liked to lie in bed and feather over my legs in my sleep.  So, in the 2nd dream, I was like in a dangerous land of like Pokémon.  We went into a nursing station with girls at a desk working and someone showed me, put a needle in my hand to let me feel it was fun, like it made my hand feel caring.  Then, they did it in another way again maybe in the other hand.  I contended, thinking, I had other interests, rather than other thoughts that passed me.  It had become dangerous to press against glass.  There was a little zebra, and there were some scary crocodilians.  1 was just with a little fence of rocks on a platform, and it was jutting out, wanting to jump down.  I told them the zebra was in danger.  A more boyish character girl came out with a little tubular rifle and shot out like a bomb bullet and supposedly accidentally hit the zebra, who turned into in some communication a human, like walking with sneakers, like it had dressed up, and its elbow was hit.  Before, I saw a painting with some lady artists in a little tent booth doing art of pinkish zebras and then dolphins with pink tints and a lady would make like a smaller 1 for $10.  I think the big 1 I looked at of dolphins was like $78 or maybe $48 but I think more like $80.  Then, I was like in a dance hall going around.  I guess I was lying down.  Then, I got up with 2 tall, more big girls, from the New Orleans area.  I was thinking of my hight, meditating on it.  It was what it was, 5'1" to 5'4", more short then and kinda made fun of as people seemed to seep in their sleeping bags.  I was being judged, like it was a phantasmagoria with like drums beating in the back, too.  So, I stretched up and found ooh 5'5" ... 5'6"?  So, I went up to a lady in dark lying on the floor on a stage in front with a headband I was twirling around, after a girl from that area who did a lot of dance did something with me.  I said, look, I'm 5'6", or something like that.  The person was like good.  Oh yes, that was Ellen DeGeneres, but it didn't look much like her.  However, I could still dip to 5'1", and I wasn't sure what to do ... as I lay down with a girl, before, I guess, a big girl, I was thinking well I'm still 11, not sure why, so that's why I'm 5'1", which I'm supposed to not be that big, still.  So, before that, we were like traveling, and there was this shower and I was stimulating myself a few times like across the floor.  I was thinking of how Ellen DeGeneres was stimulated "in the same way."  Some people were like coming.  It was like a bath stall or hotel.  So, I was stimulating myself not just in that way.  At 1 point, my dad came in and I was holding a towel, and I left.  Then, this was before the other dream, like we were on a ledge, and my dad was like this is a city, and I almost fell off a cliff corner of sand.  I don't remember what happened next, but it was dangerous.  There was a dream before this 1, too.  Now, I remember, also, at the nursing station, they were gonna give people shots but I guess not me for safety like in a physical defense somehow.  My mom asked if it would explode.  The nurse inserted a shot into her arm, and a long tube of blood filled and a bubble popped at the end.  I spent quite awhile wanting to feel like someone was carrying me, I guess been latching onto how I used to beg my mom to carry me when I was 2 and 3.  I guess it was like feeding birds trying to get that feeling.  Like, sometimes, I had to often base it more on seeing something, though.  I saw it like in pieces, of course, in a complex way, that I probably use, often.  In music, though, I tend to also hear things in pieces, whereas, before, I didn't and was always very bewildered, until maybe a specific song seeped in or I had listened to too much, though I don't remember the songs specifically to their experiences.  I wish I remembered more.  I saved a more happy scene for my Twitter background, a cartoon.  It was kinda dangerous and complicated.  I had about 5 folders, and some were serious, like rocky people.  Also, lately, I've been more stung to not experience a sorta rebuttle of feelings, from watching Ellen DeGeneres, and am thinking something is wrong.  I mean, just more today, I thought that.  I wish I wouldn't have to think something the opposite of what I'm feeling when I'm embarrassed, though.  I just measured myself, too, and I'm, roughly up to 5'5", meaning the average juts there when I stretch my heels down.

Dreams

The 2nd 1 I remember well now.  What made it interesting is that I was at a school.  I'm not sure why I dreamed someone was carrying me like a kid, again.  It was a lady.  So, it was like, I think in both dreams, you go behind the scenes of a school and it's like a big maze with chairs and stuff around and it's really dark.  Supposedly, it's dangerous.  I guess it was interesting, I knew I was really buried in my bed, and I thought of another hand that was more with bones jutting out, but like rounded, and it turned out it was my hand.  I touched my lips, and I guess I was more physical than I really am, and it was like when you put your hand on someone's mouth, except I was putting my fingers around my lips and thinking of how it would stimulate you, like to make "me" feel better, in attempts to prevent me from letting out a noise.  Otherwise the lady would have pressed my mouth against just below her shoulders.  I guess I thought that my butt was being pressed.

In the dream before, a lady came and 1st contended to someone older and then came up to me, and when she pressed my crotch it was stimulating, like kinda feminine, like fairy-like, and somewhere else.

I know in the last dream, it was like about graduating and going to these shops, 1 small and later a huge 1 of food, like a Super Wal-Mart, though it wasn't a smorgasbord.  I was with my grandma and little brother.  I told my mom I wanted donuts, I think.  I was with a man and black lady with these like sweet biscuits or whatever with colored cream on them and sprinkles.  Like, a more big wooden display.

I don't remember the trek with my friends and peers.  I know we had to walk around places, a maze, in the back, and we found where we came from, thought it was like a little bobsled road but for cars.  Like, we ran into it and had to use it to get to the path.  It was white and kinda like sweet like candy.  The maze was rather long and laborious to cross and not all easily laid out.

I guess the most interesting part was the person holding me.  So, the 1st person was really just a person, but it was like Ellen DeGeneres.  I'm sure thinking of her a lot in my sleep for like a few minutes at a time.  The 2nd person was Aunt 2 with my grandma.  30

So, you get the picture, when I was in the maze with a person carrying me, I guess it interests me in life.. I don't know if it's because my mom is shorter.  I mean, I think everyone is interested.  I guess they just are too busy and don't really get like that sorta feeling of wanting people to be sorry for them or feeling sorry or something like that.  I went out to 711 last night, and the girl at the register, since my nails weren't painted, scanned that "I was" shy, like here we're all kinda in a group, different than other places, which is interesting, not like any 1 other place.  I mean, it's Florida.  Then, she slammed a loud noise at my change.  I had to shift gears.  I guess I'm being spotted and felt for in this area.  It just feels like that's the way things go.  It's hard to understand that, posting online all the time, like.

So, about being carried in a dark room, I guess it was circumstantial.  It was kinda dangerous.  I think, I was supposedly like "little" or "small," feeling how I am, though.  So, it's like you're in this place that's like feasible technically but like has issues and you're being like protected in a kinda strict way but also like being touched and I guess you have to come to accept it.  I know that exercising in your life helps.  I'm guessing that doing arts also helps.  Posting online gives you cyber***.  I'm not sure I quite knock on that.  I'm not sure how most people feel, but I know, here in Orlando, we feel  or I feel kinda like I'm a tube with gel floating in it.  Before, I used to maybe feel my bones.  I'd feel the muscle growing on my forearms.  Like, I'd feel it a little and want to feel it more.  I guess I learned from different women I knew how to feel.  In college, I don't remember as many of those kinds of women.  At Arts school in New Orleans, we had this teacher who looked kinda both smart and attractive and not too thin.  I thought she woke up and took jazz each morning, didn't think too much what it was like to do at home but probably was thinking about aspects of it I'm not remembering now.  She had this resounding voice.  She had fluffy, like wavy and kinda more course light, more reddish yellowish brown hair.  Well, you get the picture.  She had a more fluffy face.  I think she spoke to me once, and I got everything right.  I guess we were in a group, and she said not to be shy.  I don't think people at this place were touching people.  It was a summer session, and me and another girl I played a piano duet with got the highest award.  I also went on Saturdays and was the oldest.  This was my last year.  There were no awards.  She was supposed to come to the college I was at, a prestigious school for music that is not quite as alluring now, I think my 3rd year, when I left and wasn't even in music.  She was a composer and went up to maybe Canada to "just compose," which makes sense, in a group.  I was about to be a Composition major and tried to get in Voice.  I was unaccepted and came back as a Music Education major and didn't audition for Voice and was kicked out of Voice for being shy, for some reason, at the end of the year, as well as out of Music Education.  I started a class since another was taken and then switched to 2 Honors level 2 classes.

Dream

I was at college going around, and my dad told me what to do.  I wanted to go in a house, and there were these cute cats.  I think, the 1st time I got in, and someone helped me and it lated awhile.  I had written a dream down about a guy from the theater where I used to live getting hurt, the one I wrote about in Twitter.  It was the same thing almost.  He was big.

Then, I remember being involved with my mom.  Well, I was going around and decided, my dad saying okay, to just worry about getting food, to find a McDonald's and asked if I liked it rather and I said yea the chicken sandwich, grilled, and went down the stairs.  Instead, I was at the top floor of a dorm with a really high ceiling.  The rooms were open.  My mom was at a desk in the center with her course book.  I was at UNO.  I was looking at course.  1 I remember was Acting.  It was more interesting than 1 where you present things.  There were words, little descriptions, why I liked it, a clean white catalog, almost the size of a magazine.  There were pictures of kids, including some nice tan 1s who didn't really look like you'd want to be them, unappealing.  1 reminded me of her name, "energy," never thought fo that.  So, supposedly, 1 girl from drama a year older there was the daughter of a witch and never knew her mom.  I thought up north that she did something and looked like a waitress, like she was tortured in a made up way that wasn't graphic.  I thought it was part of the experiment.  So, my math teacher from the other school was like related to her in some way, and I saw a baby in like a cradle crying, a boy, I think in her dorm.  I told them flashing by a little later I didn't know my aunt.  So, I saw on her side, which was like 3 stories high, and clean, like in an institution where we get better and have real adventures, high up, notes to me and around the corner on the other side.  So, what now, I forget.  I guess it was too late, I fell asleep, and then it was even past 12, 12:40, to eat.  I must have went in my dorm, lay down and looked up and realized I was at UNO.  Oh yes, then, she came in and smashed my guitar, a violin, harp, the TV, which was my mom's, though it just left like a film broken over it, so I said nothing.  She said Ellen told her to do it, and I got up madly with 2 pillars, as though someone would hurt me.  I said, "Where is she?  Bring her in!"  It was like she would appear.  I realized it was dangerous for me to sleep so said, "Want me to promise not to hurt her?"  Then, I was like oh yea we don't know I won't, like in my sleep.  Well, my harp sounds different, and an Irish harpist with a French last name just had a baby.  People were going by from 2 of my high schools wondering where I should go, public or Catholic.  I was already mad at someone and didn't know who, I think a lady who was big probably.  I was gonna say more but forgot.

Dream

Yes, it was very stressful, when I knew I was gonna be chased to be eaten.  I also didn't realize that person from my Facebook was in my dream, at all.

Dream

So, Ellen DeGeneres made the swirlies important, and I like laughed and like glided through, through!

Dream

The complex rhythm was like every movement was so intricately connected to one another.  My younger aunt stretched her face, and her nose got small, and she thought it was like mine, but I said it was the proportions.  She was smiling opening her mouth like yea.

Speaking of my Genetics tag, when I moved to Orlando, on TV they had this lady on a green and black grid, like green glow lines, and they had a joke of like a baby that got big and taken out and grew to be superhuman and only the mom was a certain size.  I could never remember what was going on in different things.

Dream

I was lying down and my mom told me to wake up to drink some tea, though I didn't want to very much.  She had a larger glass and a smaller one I almost finished.  Rather, it was powder.  That lady on Facebook, Ginny, was outside the door.  Then, my dad was there by an old computer.  He was mad and drawling about what I wanted to do and probably asked me something, yes, that I forgot now.  He said to join him for lunch.  I think he was wondering if I wanted to be carried or like have a relationship with certain someone.  I was gonna go out to eat and have a dragon with a small, circular mouth accompany me, like a purple, wet dragon, and it did, kinda like a big snake.  It was nice.  It turned out to be someone I know, well, my cousin.  Then, her mom was there, turned out to be the older sister, who is shorter.  Then, it was the mom, and I sized myself up to be her size and said I was bigger than them all.  The mom was there, too, my grandma.  Then, I left again.  I think 1st I saw a version of 2 small kids from Mary Poppins, and I got the rhythm I saw, which was like a combination of German and Dutch but English and was complex and sick a bit.  They realized I knew it because I wasn't American and then that my mom had European heritage, for so long in ancestry.  Then, I was on like a building, a slim portion, like a chimney top place, like a ship with some boys, then they realized it was because I was white, had a Caucasian American dad.  Then, I think, there were 3 dragons to eat us 3 creatures.  1st, 1 ate 1 slimy creature.  It spit out like a shark tooth.  It finally ate another.  The 1st was small and kinda round.  Then, it chased me.  I had indicated to run.  I easily glided a cro ss a pool that was like a video game from 1998 that came with the computer, an easy one.  I was under a canopy.  Oh, I forgot, I went on a ride that was voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, a movie, but we just saw the dazzle eyes, the swirls, in black and white, all over, like a friendly ride, kinda cheap-seeming but actually quite elaborate.  My dad was there.  So, I got behind his girl and held onto her sash, like a Dr. Suess movie girl, kinda thin, like Beauty and the Beast.  I remember the 1st scene was long, asking me what I wanted and waking me up and having me walk around a large, somewhat dirty but interestingly furnaced hotel room, kinda orange with a big black window on the side.  So, anyway, the creature got me and finally I said to "eat someone else."  It's stomach, a section gooily crackered open and a ball came out under it and was reaching me, stickling, and I woke up, realizing I guess it wasn't gonna eat me, startled some people, and thought of Disney because it's on my blog.  Something else I was gonna say, ah yes, I was going around and saw some kids.  I realized I did Music Education and was full of something.

So, the kids were loudly rasping "Jolly Holiday" in a weird form that seemed like a combination of English Dutch and German Dutch, which I never thought of, though they were English, supposedly.  They were holding like dark brooms with bristles.  The girl was wearing the orange.  I only noticed her mostly, but she was more European and physical.

Right now, I feel like the monster that was going to eat me, my lips sticking out a lot and kinda thick seeming from the inside.  Also, I had 2 black therapists walk with me and asked if I wanted to go to Disney.  They made it seem like an adventure.  I said well I don't have any money, and they never really wanted to.  1 was about my age, maybe a month older or younger.  The other was an adult with a girl in modeling.  I've had other counselors here because of the mental hospital.  The whole time, I didn't think about Disney, but I was at it, so I guess yea I mean I thought about it in that way.

I was trying to think of something, like someone carrying me, in the bed, and I was woken up and had to think of something more materialistic but didn't.  My dad was giving me "new rules."  Just to see him at lunch I think.  He said I'd do something like weave poofy, dark things all day and then come home, but I realized I'd be too tired, even if all I did was sleep in the evening, 6-6 about?  I was feeling like kinda gooey from the fat, having had bacon each morning, about 5 pieces not cooked much, in a microwave.  My brother was cooking that before we saw The Hobbit for a long time, the kind I didn't like, the thick bacon.  I decided I liked what I'd been having, the maple bacon.  I've been having a pack of 2 frozen deep dish personal pan pepperoni pizzas like 3 times in 2 days spread out.  Why?  Because I want to eat fancy food and my dad didn't get it so I hope we go soon.  I guess I'm weaning from my previous diet.  For awhile, I was having fancy so - wait, in my dream, the monsters were in like a cartoony moat with probably triangular waves elicited - so bad soup in a can I learned to dislike, having it a lot, like before when I wanted to get like turkey, potatos, etc., and eat it alone.  So, I had the soup with sauced breaded frozen chicken, Tysons, which I know isn't really healthy, for some reason, the breading and something in the sauce and probably something else.  With Triscuits.  I had those a lot in college with cheese.  Now, I'm having cheese well crackers with spread or sticks with cheese but am liking the spread cheese better, just want some without peanut butter, which I had in the mental hospital.  Also, there's cheddar crackers with peanut butter.  When I went to the mental hospital in New Orleans, I learned to like grits, and that's what I've been having with bacon.

So, I just got up and noticed I was more European, from eating the fatty food and having more tendongs going to the floor.