Laundry

I'm also doing the 2nd wash for the towels and and washing my bedding since I went out last night and slept in my bed without a shower-bath, twice.

My food is done cooking, and I'm waiting for it to cool.

I found "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" is having reruns as of a certain day, yesterday or today, have to see when it starts again, assume at least a week after the New Year.  Hope I get in that acting class, but I have a feeling I won't.  It seems the community college, especially in the arts, is not for adults, even.  I was recommended into dance at a ballet school there at age 20, 21.

I have to refill my soap and wash my glasses.  They're dusty.  I was thinking of getting my own soaps and think I will.

What I'm Doing

I had 2 pieces of French bread pizza and grapefruit juice and water.

I'm cooking a pretty big piece of beef and spinach and mushrooms I found in the refrigerator, which is what I liked to buy and my mom got for me.

I'm also cooking eggs to make egg salad sandwich.

My grandma gave us the Christmas candy and several gingerbread cookies.  I had a buckeye, a piece of peanut butter fudge (no chocolate, I think,) and one of the cookies with marshmallows, which I best liked,for once.  I was wondering in New Orleans to me it seemed the thing was to be like spicy and of the old-fashioned based heritage that's become vintage and takes over the civilization, which is very rather sedentary.  I guess moving can be a big deal.  So, I kinda grew up more strict and modern in a sense, not about baking cookies and not really making any fudge.  It's probably because my mom's not American and something else.  My dad liked things like peanut butter cookies.  His dad drank a lot so probably wasn't a cookie guy, not from a farm and had a college degree to be a funeral director who did everything, I think.  I know he liked Edgar Allan Poe and that my dad has read lots of other like science fiction type philosophy seeming themed interest books.  As far as I know, his dad is all white, but I found that most people have Jewish last names from the Germany area.  It seems like a big deal that my grandma's mom wasn't indian.  She wasn't even always sure she was indian.  Supposedly, the records burned down in a building.

So, I'm gonna watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  I have 3 episodes to catch up on.  I was thinking of watching today's 1st, in case I don't get to the day before, I guess, not sure which is better, this time.  The other 1 I don't have recorded because we got a new TV thing.  So, I should watch the videos online and think I happened to see 1 or 2 from her Twitter.

Breakfast

4 Slices of Maple Bacon
Cheesy Grits
Breakfast Biscuit, With, Like, Bacon and Eggs
Full Mug Glass of Orange Juice
Sour Gummies from 711

Doing Stuff

I ironed my pants from about a week ago?  I called Ginny 2 or 3 more times and am recording it on my camera.  I need to do my nails.  I was gonna go out but maybe not.  Maybe see if I can get a strawberry smoothie at a Mickey D's.

I'm also washing my clothes.

The thing is my alarm isn't waking me up, isn't very big.  I prefer to wear earplugs to bed, as well.  I think I slept a lot, recently, so maybe I need to be up and doing something, like cleaning my room but, unfortunately, think I need a break, possibly will lie down.

Ate

2 Pieces of Beef
4 or 5 Asparagus's
Leaves That Start With an A

I also started drinking from a large glass of ice water, plus used my college glass for room temperature water for taking my pills.

Just Got Back

I had a sub, grapefruit juice, and 2 thick Reeses, which were good.

I'm feeling kinda tired, plasticy, need a shower.. probably should to to bed.  :(  I keep getting like stopped by these noises I here, even like when I'm changing.  So, I guess, like, I sleep for, what, sometimes 8-12 hours?  Then, an hour probably gets wasted and I spend most of my blogging time on Problems.  Then, there's an hour I watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and I spend some time Networking.  I don't even cook.  What does this say about me?  I used to have more time.  So, I spend time being interrupted every so often.  This is quite a hiatus, the reaction in 2005 to Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, something no one talks about.

Ate Yesterday

I cooked a pan of these certain greens that start with A and about 5 asparagus, have about 5 left.

Feeling Blue

I feel like walking over to the gas station to get a nice sammich.  I did like the grapefruit juice and don't think they have any good dessert.  I have cake, at home.  I might have a lot of money, considerably.  It feels like tomorrow is Friday.  I was supposed to get a recording device in my room from my mom, but we just got a new thing for the TV.

Eating

Personal Pan Deep Dish Pizza
A Glass of Cold Water

Ate

I had some crackers with spread, some leftover, the non-wheat ones, including the cheddar-flavored crackers with peanut butter, the whole thing, probably won't get this kind in the future, gonna get all the kinds without peanut butter and maybe the other 1 with peanut butter if it's affordable.  I had some of the sour, sugared gummies, labeled best by Oct. 27, 2013.  I don't know if I'm going back to sleep or just lie down, maybe watch myself some on YouTube, maybe work on posting on IMDb.  Since hitting my forehead, I've been more tired waking up.  I noticed I slept more tonight.  I was a little sick, sniffling, with irritation, too, from smelling that guy walk by.

Dreams

The 2nd 1 I remember well now.  What made it interesting is that I was at a school.  I'm not sure why I dreamed someone was carrying me like a kid, again.  It was a lady.  So, it was like, I think in both dreams, you go behind the scenes of a school and it's like a big maze with chairs and stuff around and it's really dark.  Supposedly, it's dangerous.  I guess it was interesting, I knew I was really buried in my bed, and I thought of another hand that was more with bones jutting out, but like rounded, and it turned out it was my hand.  I touched my lips, and I guess I was more physical than I really am, and it was like when you put your hand on someone's mouth, except I was putting my fingers around my lips and thinking of how it would stimulate you, like to make "me" feel better, in attempts to prevent me from letting out a noise.  Otherwise the lady would have pressed my mouth against just below her shoulders.  I guess I thought that my butt was being pressed.

In the dream before, a lady came and 1st contended to someone older and then came up to me, and when she pressed my crotch it was stimulating, like kinda feminine, like fairy-like, and somewhere else.

I know in the last dream, it was like about graduating and going to these shops, 1 small and later a huge 1 of food, like a Super Wal-Mart, though it wasn't a smorgasbord.  I was with my grandma and little brother.  I told my mom I wanted donuts, I think.  I was with a man and black lady with these like sweet biscuits or whatever with colored cream on them and sprinkles.  Like, a more big wooden display.

I don't remember the trek with my friends and peers.  I know we had to walk around places, a maze, in the back, and we found where we came from, thought it was like a little bobsled road but for cars.  Like, we ran into it and had to use it to get to the path.  It was white and kinda like sweet like candy.  The maze was rather long and laborious to cross and not all easily laid out.

I guess the most interesting part was the person holding me.  So, the 1st person was really just a person, but it was like Ellen DeGeneres.  I'm sure thinking of her a lot in my sleep for like a few minutes at a time.  The 2nd person was Aunt 2 with my grandma.  30

So, you get the picture, when I was in the maze with a person carrying me, I guess it interests me in life.. I don't know if it's because my mom is shorter.  I mean, I think everyone is interested.  I guess they just are too busy and don't really get like that sorta feeling of wanting people to be sorry for them or feeling sorry or something like that.  I went out to 711 last night, and the girl at the register, since my nails weren't painted, scanned that "I was" shy, like here we're all kinda in a group, different than other places, which is interesting, not like any 1 other place.  I mean, it's Florida.  Then, she slammed a loud noise at my change.  I had to shift gears.  I guess I'm being spotted and felt for in this area.  It just feels like that's the way things go.  It's hard to understand that, posting online all the time, like.

So, about being carried in a dark room, I guess it was circumstantial.  It was kinda dangerous.  I think, I was supposedly like "little" or "small," feeling how I am, though.  So, it's like you're in this place that's like feasible technically but like has issues and you're being like protected in a kinda strict way but also like being touched and I guess you have to come to accept it.  I know that exercising in your life helps.  I'm guessing that doing arts also helps.  Posting online gives you cyber***.  I'm not sure I quite knock on that.  I'm not sure how most people feel, but I know, here in Orlando, we feel  or I feel kinda like I'm a tube with gel floating in it.  Before, I used to maybe feel my bones.  I'd feel the muscle growing on my forearms.  Like, I'd feel it a little and want to feel it more.  I guess I learned from different women I knew how to feel.  In college, I don't remember as many of those kinds of women.  At Arts school in New Orleans, we had this teacher who looked kinda both smart and attractive and not too thin.  I thought she woke up and took jazz each morning, didn't think too much what it was like to do at home but probably was thinking about aspects of it I'm not remembering now.  She had this resounding voice.  She had fluffy, like wavy and kinda more course light, more reddish yellowish brown hair.  Well, you get the picture.  She had a more fluffy face.  I think she spoke to me once, and I got everything right.  I guess we were in a group, and she said not to be shy.  I don't think people at this place were touching people.  It was a summer session, and me and another girl I played a piano duet with got the highest award.  I also went on Saturdays and was the oldest.  This was my last year.  There were no awards.  She was supposed to come to the college I was at, a prestigious school for music that is not quite as alluring now, I think my 3rd year, when I left and wasn't even in music.  She was a composer and went up to maybe Canada to "just compose," which makes sense, in a group.  I was about to be a Composition major and tried to get in Voice.  I was unaccepted and came back as a Music Education major and didn't audition for Voice and was kicked out of Voice for being shy, for some reason, at the end of the year, as well as out of Music Education.  I started a class since another was taken and then switched to 2 Honors level 2 classes.

711

There was a guy with a very typical but not too like specifically characterized homeless smell, that reminded me of my own smelly situation.  Some girls working there also sounded like they said something was rotting flesh.  One of them sang a kinda hip or spunky tune, and it was pretty good.  (Something just fell over.)  There was a girl shorter than me with PJ pants who was cute and walked behind me, kinda nostalgically, maybe dark-medium brown hair bunched up in the back, straight and smooth.  So, I had a sub with pickes, grapefruit juice, and sour gummies which weren't very sour.

Eating

Mickey D's

Ranch (Grilled) Wrap
Mushroom and Swiss Burger
SW Salad With Poultry
Fish-O-Filet Sandwich

Strawberry Smoothie

S'mores Pies

Ate

Italian grain bread from bakery, sliced
good packaged honey ham
lemon sauce or dressing
these dark green leaves I found

I almost threw up so didn't do the dishes nor shower, might lie down.

Eating

I had a breakfast muffin with like eggs and bacon, frozen.
I am having more deep dish personal pan pepperoni pizzas.  Maybe, I'll have a hamburger and a hot dog.  I'm also eating healthily, like alternating.

Dream

I was at college going around, and my dad told me what to do.  I wanted to go in a house, and there were these cute cats.  I think, the 1st time I got in, and someone helped me and it lated awhile.  I had written a dream down about a guy from the theater where I used to live getting hurt, the one I wrote about in Twitter.  It was the same thing almost.  He was big.

Then, I remember being involved with my mom.  Well, I was going around and decided, my dad saying okay, to just worry about getting food, to find a McDonald's and asked if I liked it rather and I said yea the chicken sandwich, grilled, and went down the stairs.  Instead, I was at the top floor of a dorm with a really high ceiling.  The rooms were open.  My mom was at a desk in the center with her course book.  I was at UNO.  I was looking at course.  1 I remember was Acting.  It was more interesting than 1 where you present things.  There were words, little descriptions, why I liked it, a clean white catalog, almost the size of a magazine.  There were pictures of kids, including some nice tan 1s who didn't really look like you'd want to be them, unappealing.  1 reminded me of her name, "energy," never thought fo that.  So, supposedly, 1 girl from drama a year older there was the daughter of a witch and never knew her mom.  I thought up north that she did something and looked like a waitress, like she was tortured in a made up way that wasn't graphic.  I thought it was part of the experiment.  So, my math teacher from the other school was like related to her in some way, and I saw a baby in like a cradle crying, a boy, I think in her dorm.  I told them flashing by a little later I didn't know my aunt.  So, I saw on her side, which was like 3 stories high, and clean, like in an institution where we get better and have real adventures, high up, notes to me and around the corner on the other side.  So, what now, I forget.  I guess it was too late, I fell asleep, and then it was even past 12, 12:40, to eat.  I must have went in my dorm, lay down and looked up and realized I was at UNO.  Oh yes, then, she came in and smashed my guitar, a violin, harp, the TV, which was my mom's, though it just left like a film broken over it, so I said nothing.  She said Ellen told her to do it, and I got up madly with 2 pillars, as though someone would hurt me.  I said, "Where is she?  Bring her in!"  It was like she would appear.  I realized it was dangerous for me to sleep so said, "Want me to promise not to hurt her?"  Then, I was like oh yea we don't know I won't, like in my sleep.  Well, my harp sounds different, and an Irish harpist with a French last name just had a baby.  People were going by from 2 of my high schools wondering where I should go, public or Catholic.  I was already mad at someone and didn't know who, I think a lady who was big probably.  I was gonna say more but forgot.

Dream

I was lying down and my mom told me to wake up to drink some tea, though I didn't want to very much.  She had a larger glass and a smaller one I almost finished.  Rather, it was powder.  That lady on Facebook, Ginny, was outside the door.  Then, my dad was there by an old computer.  He was mad and drawling about what I wanted to do and probably asked me something, yes, that I forgot now.  He said to join him for lunch.  I think he was wondering if I wanted to be carried or like have a relationship with certain someone.  I was gonna go out to eat and have a dragon with a small, circular mouth accompany me, like a purple, wet dragon, and it did, kinda like a big snake.  It was nice.  It turned out to be someone I know, well, my cousin.  Then, her mom was there, turned out to be the older sister, who is shorter.  Then, it was the mom, and I sized myself up to be her size and said I was bigger than them all.  The mom was there, too, my grandma.  Then, I left again.  I think 1st I saw a version of 2 small kids from Mary Poppins, and I got the rhythm I saw, which was like a combination of German and Dutch but English and was complex and sick a bit.  They realized I knew it because I wasn't American and then that my mom had European heritage, for so long in ancestry.  Then, I was on like a building, a slim portion, like a chimney top place, like a ship with some boys, then they realized it was because I was white, had a Caucasian American dad.  Then, I think, there were 3 dragons to eat us 3 creatures.  1st, 1 ate 1 slimy creature.  It spit out like a shark tooth.  It finally ate another.  The 1st was small and kinda round.  Then, it chased me.  I had indicated to run.  I easily glided a cro ss a pool that was like a video game from 1998 that came with the computer, an easy one.  I was under a canopy.  Oh, I forgot, I went on a ride that was voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, a movie, but we just saw the dazzle eyes, the swirls, in black and white, all over, like a friendly ride, kinda cheap-seeming but actually quite elaborate.  My dad was there.  So, I got behind his girl and held onto her sash, like a Dr. Suess movie girl, kinda thin, like Beauty and the Beast.  I remember the 1st scene was long, asking me what I wanted and waking me up and having me walk around a large, somewhat dirty but interestingly furnaced hotel room, kinda orange with a big black window on the side.  So, anyway, the creature got me and finally I said to "eat someone else."  It's stomach, a section gooily crackered open and a ball came out under it and was reaching me, stickling, and I woke up, realizing I guess it wasn't gonna eat me, startled some people, and thought of Disney because it's on my blog.  Something else I was gonna say, ah yes, I was going around and saw some kids.  I realized I did Music Education and was full of something.

So, the kids were loudly rasping "Jolly Holiday" in a weird form that seemed like a combination of English Dutch and German Dutch, which I never thought of, though they were English, supposedly.  They were holding like dark brooms with bristles.  The girl was wearing the orange.  I only noticed her mostly, but she was more European and physical.

Right now, I feel like the monster that was going to eat me, my lips sticking out a lot and kinda thick seeming from the inside.  Also, I had 2 black therapists walk with me and asked if I wanted to go to Disney.  They made it seem like an adventure.  I said well I don't have any money, and they never really wanted to.  1 was about my age, maybe a month older or younger.  The other was an adult with a girl in modeling.  I've had other counselors here because of the mental hospital.  The whole time, I didn't think about Disney, but I was at it, so I guess yea I mean I thought about it in that way.

I was trying to think of something, like someone carrying me, in the bed, and I was woken up and had to think of something more materialistic but didn't.  My dad was giving me "new rules."  Just to see him at lunch I think.  He said I'd do something like weave poofy, dark things all day and then come home, but I realized I'd be too tired, even if all I did was sleep in the evening, 6-6 about?  I was feeling like kinda gooey from the fat, having had bacon each morning, about 5 pieces not cooked much, in a microwave.  My brother was cooking that before we saw The Hobbit for a long time, the kind I didn't like, the thick bacon.  I decided I liked what I'd been having, the maple bacon.  I've been having a pack of 2 frozen deep dish personal pan pepperoni pizzas like 3 times in 2 days spread out.  Why?  Because I want to eat fancy food and my dad didn't get it so I hope we go soon.  I guess I'm weaning from my previous diet.  For awhile, I was having fancy so - wait, in my dream, the monsters were in like a cartoony moat with probably triangular waves elicited - so bad soup in a can I learned to dislike, having it a lot, like before when I wanted to get like turkey, potatos, etc., and eat it alone.  So, I had the soup with sauced breaded frozen chicken, Tysons, which I know isn't really healthy, for some reason, the breading and something in the sauce and probably something else.  With Triscuits.  I had those a lot in college with cheese.  Now, I'm having cheese well crackers with spread or sticks with cheese but am liking the spread cheese better, just want some without peanut butter, which I had in the mental hospital.  Also, there's cheddar crackers with peanut butter.  When I went to the mental hospital in New Orleans, I learned to like grits, and that's what I've been having with bacon.

So, I just got up and noticed I was more European, from eating the fatty food and having more tendongs going to the floor.

Ate

I had 2 deep dish personal pan pepperoni pizzas earlier, probably getting tired of the brand.

I had a cheap hunk of beef and about 5 asparaguses.

Snack

Had my Philly push up pop, a bit icy, cotton candy.  :p

Food

I had Italian Ice.  May have a Philly push up pop, should get more icy stuff at the gas station.

I feel kinda sick but not really bad from the pizza, not sure what to eat, shoulda had breakfast.  I kinda don't feel like beef and asparagus now.  Maybe the Chef Boyardee can of mac and cheese?  I also have sliced ham and nice new bread...

Gonna start eating out hopefully 2-3 times a week at non-fast food places.  I know I can walk to fast food places.  Even if I go alone.  Not sure if there's any places by the mall where I can walk.  I'm sure sometime my dad would probably bring some home for me if I told him in advance...