Parents

Do you think you should have to get along with each parent in ways you don't like, say your mom has certain strengths your dad doesn't or your dad has certain weaknesses your mom doesn't, other than in racial placement?

What I'm Doing

I had 2 pieces of French bread pizza and grapefruit juice and water.

I'm cooking a pretty big piece of beef and spinach and mushrooms I found in the refrigerator, which is what I liked to buy and my mom got for me.

I'm also cooking eggs to make egg salad sandwich.

My grandma gave us the Christmas candy and several gingerbread cookies.  I had a buckeye, a piece of peanut butter fudge (no chocolate, I think,) and one of the cookies with marshmallows, which I best liked,for once.  I was wondering in New Orleans to me it seemed the thing was to be like spicy and of the old-fashioned based heritage that's become vintage and takes over the civilization, which is very rather sedentary.  I guess moving can be a big deal.  So, I kinda grew up more strict and modern in a sense, not about baking cookies and not really making any fudge.  It's probably because my mom's not American and something else.  My dad liked things like peanut butter cookies.  His dad drank a lot so probably wasn't a cookie guy, not from a farm and had a college degree to be a funeral director who did everything, I think.  I know he liked Edgar Allan Poe and that my dad has read lots of other like science fiction type philosophy seeming themed interest books.  As far as I know, his dad is all white, but I found that most people have Jewish last names from the Germany area.  It seems like a big deal that my grandma's mom wasn't indian.  She wasn't even always sure she was indian.  Supposedly, the records burned down in a building.

So, I'm gonna watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  I have 3 episodes to catch up on.  I was thinking of watching today's 1st, in case I don't get to the day before, I guess, not sure which is better, this time.  The other 1 I don't have recorded because we got a new TV thing.  So, I should watch the videos online and think I happened to see 1 or 2 from her Twitter.

Food

What should I do?  My dad won't bring me home fancy restaurant food, like Olive Garden or Applebee's.  Also, when I went out to eat with him at Perkins, he made me stimulated or aroused but not feel like a tingly feeling in my stomach and tried associating it with a waitress.  He also believes if an idea ticks that it's, like, absolutely something true.  I haven't eaten at a fancy restaurant in a long time.  I've been eating alone, got tired of soup and Tyson's chicken strips.  I've been getting subs and fast food.  At home, I have my beef and cooked greens.  I don't like peppers, onions, tomatos, etc.  I won't eat them, unless they were chopped up into tiny bits and mixed with bread or something like that.  I even stopped putting spice on it.  My parents eat weirdly, weird simple Asian-based food that is kinda unhealthy and not very tasty or some fancy fix-up with sorta just more hot spices and maybe some kinda juicy sauce.  I never eat with them, anymore.  They usually just have chicken and often have rice.  I started eating like this because I had such a good time at Cracker Barrel.  Once, my dad was rude to me and I got mad.  It sounded like 1 guy suddenly said, "nigger."  I was getting tired of just Olive Garden and Cracker Barrel.

So, it sounds like some people want to know if I liked what my mom cooked when I was little, when she's Asian and the good stuff isn't sold here.  I did eat things like Pizza Lunchables, maybe twice a week, funny on top of pizza on Fridays at that school.  My mom didn't like engage me in picking out food at the grocery store, and I learned what people at a long time ago in the U.S.  I can't believe how you|anyone would actually went|go into what my dad ate.  Yea, he's from a farming area, but they don't eat the kind of stuff you eat in the West|Midwest.  Their food seems thin.  I guess moving to the New Orleans area, my appetite increased.  It's funny, though, his family is from Northwestern Pennsylvania.  I think that my grandma has always made good candy, Buckeyes, chocolate fudge, peanut butter fudge, these things of a compilation with marshmallows like fudgy cookies, and oatmeal cookies, which lots of people have made.  It is about the best I've tasted, had a good homemade taste.  Speaking of my grandma, it seems people say that I'm not good as a suggestion but never say why and the reason is never clear.  My parents think I don't have total attitude control and that it doesn't matter if people are mean to me.  I don't really know what it's like to get mad at other people having your food.  I think Italy has good ice cream shops.  In Florida, I guess the food is kinda made to be satisfying yet trashy in a lot of ways but not like infested with maggots.  I think Ellen DeGeneres gets mad at me for growing up in Southeastern and Northeastern Florida until I turned 12 because I'm really tight, realy tightly built and compact, in a way that is not necessary but sorta the arsenal I have in life, unnecessary in that my life isn't complete.  That may not make sense, but you may not really know.  I mean, if you did, you could tell me.  I can't really fix things like that that sound good.  Well, the restaurants are a bit, er, ... what's the word ... vengeful.  I guess the food is fine at the fancy restaurants.

Part of the thing is I thought it'd be cool "not to cook."

Someone I Know

My therapist is from Miami and is part Italian.

Problem

My dad seems to have gotten quite mad, forgot what he said.  Not really.  He went to see my therapist, and I stayed home.  I think she talked to him about my blog.  I already invited him to go comment.  I'm supposed to usher him to it or whatever.  He seems to be sorta boastful or what's the word, puffing out his chest, proud of his mom's antics after the n word thing, like thinking "her son" is important and he needs to hurt me since my life is getting better.

Also, why is Tim Burton such a scardy cat?  I thought cool people from L.A. were stronger.  That is so suggestive, you know?  I read, also, though, that his parents came from Canada.  You have to watch out for people from Canada and Latin America.  Sometimes, people think this of Australia or maybe like definitely the Filipins.. they went on rattled on about how it was like I forget no unreal and 3rd world.

It was a safehouse for Hispanics, I guess mixed people.  Lots of mixed people are in Australia, Texas, and L.A. and California.  NYC.  I know of at least 1 more white Asian in NYC.

I'm upset because my dad seems upset that people from Florida never liked him.  He's bad.  He treated me badly for things I did.  It wasn't anything like concrete nor blunt nor like very bad very often you'd concur from me, in the end.  It seems like my relationship with Florida went down the drain.  So, what do you think about Elle Fanning living in L.A.?  It's a safehouse for actors.  I don't know if I wanna count her, anymore.  She moved at age 1 and seems conceited about Georgian heritage but despises it just to think it's cool and now looks kinda sad.  Maybe, she'll get better.  I think she's trying to look different and has been going through too many changes.

Racial Profile

People won't accept if you had a more trashy Chinese background or more quality European background.  My culture isn't as white but more, er, un-Asian.

Unsurprised

Why are people unsurprised to see a European-looking Chinese?

My Parents

So, I wasn't supposed to talk to strangers growing up.

My mom is open to black people but not strong, though I don't really feel withheld.

My dad seems to think they're humble, racially.

Problem

I'm fed up with people getting back at me for getting mad at the things that happen as a result of the popularity of Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton.

I met a black guy today who worked somewhere, and I ended up inquiring about him in some way that led to him giving me his race, which he tried to say was mixed.  Then, he said he thought I was Chinese, and he said like oh your eyes and some other stuff I don't remember and the hair.  I don't really see how my hair is Chinese.  He asked if I was full-blooded Chinese, though.  However, he was kinda abusive, and he made me feel like I was kinda tacky and weak.  I walked with him and talked for it seemed like 45 minutes.  He has my number and is supposed to call.

The Chinese

Did you actually go all out and give up like combining the appealing parts of the Chinese with being more European to appear more fair to the European race?

Problem

Why when I make a point in some hard situation because like anything that's worth it is hard, do people then suggest something like that well it's not right and it's not like fully okay?

The reason was because of race, the point itself.  I think I've asked questions before that haven't been answered.  I should probably leave them up, somewhere.  I did answer some of it.  I think people just are out to make me feel bad.

Problem

Didn't I already make a blog post, buried somewhere... anyway, no one responds to this in my life.  I don't know about categorizing things like this.  So, I got mad, locked in my room, because of New Orleans and then Orlando, after Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, felt totally tortured, and e-mailed people nicely.  My dad rattled on that I called them niggers, like it mattered..  I think, 1st, someone stopped, or maybe it was someone else.  Well, I think, then, I got mad at a girl, but she was acting racist.  I know it's improper, and I wanted her to talk to me more.  I don't remember what I said, but I didn't say, "You're a nigger," or, "I'm gonna *beep* you."  I used to write more very, very detailed.

Oh, and no one would admit she was really being racist.  It was very contrived.  You know, they just rattle on about morals and being white, and they're part Native American indian, like Johnny Depp.  I might be.  Wow, but they don't really mean it but will rattle on more.  They're like balloon heads.  I don't think this is the right way to talk about something, but I guess we should have started writing sooner.

I don't know what about Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory directed by Tim Burton strikes a nerve with you.  You're gonna have to be taken in and realize this is your problem and that I don't approve of this problem, which I see in everyone I meet very strongly.  You'll just have to get out of my life, in this way.  Help!  Someone do something.  The police aren't listening.  They're invading me with messages.

Problem

So, just for fun, things will get violent with me for being proud of any relationships because I'm not all technically "Caucasian."

Problem

I know that my eyes kinda turned off when I got glasses.  I was feeling pressured a lot for my race and because my dad was not like a wild man and my mom had dark, reddish eyes.  Anyway, I was the best in gymnastics but not on a team but seemed to move up often for some reason and did art since I was 3 or possibly "2."  I was considered artistic all the time.  But then I got glasses but still was a good artist considerably, though when my vision got worse and I moved I guess things looked kinda like I drank coffee.  When my glasses are off and I look at the screen, the colors appear real, like it's still the 90s.  The good thing is I can actually function without glasses, and things don't look blurry in the dark.  I know things weren't blurry before I took the medication.  It might have gotten blurry after I came back from school and we had to move to a house quickly to avoid the constant noise.  I know sometimes things appear blurry but I just feel for my eyes and it becomes corrected.  So, I can actually see, but I can really pressure my eyes.  I need to film my eyes up close.  They're kinda like I guess 90s eyes but have a kinda fuzzy feel of protection, for some reason.  But, no, if I went outside, I would not be able to see things clearly.

Problem

I got another squeal of pain from Ellen.  There's a package by my door with a book of Shakespeare monologues over it.  My mom passed by and looked at my feet and said something.  *BEEP*  Then, I got a similar insulting message.  *BEEP*  Someone do something!  See if you can *beep* these people.  Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton.  I told you to stop.  Look, someone do something.  No one cares what you say.  I'm not gonna go into this.  I can't even get even with this if you were in the room.  I can't even t***** you enough.

ELLEN STOP THESE MESSAGES.  What's your problem?  You're nothing!  You're just mean and send me these messages.  Then, maybe you didn't, but maybe you did.  It's because of you, though.  Why should I care about anyone related to you?  You're not white, are you, and hey you're just gonna make fun of me.  You keep acting like I'm not white.  What, what am I supposed to do?

Problem

I'm so annoyed at this private messages from Ellen DeGeneres.  She keeps getting friendly with others like I'm not white because she wants to feel she's better.  Too bad she's ruined my life.

My Experience in Orlando 6|7 Years

So, something interesting is I thought I was an experiment and everyone knew about me.

In the end, I thought that people weren't real and stopped communicating to me altogether for maybe a few years if I count.

Then, I wonder even if people think about me, at all.  I always feel they're talking.  So, I went to Southeastern Florida, and the cars there seemed to speak, as well.  I haven't been out to see if people knew about me more specifically, at sight.  It is amazing going along the road here with all the cars roaring back, with your ear plugs, thinking they're all talking, saying something.  Since majoring in music and the experiment, I think every sound is like a word.  So, that's over 5 years.  Also, in bed, I heard a real sound.  I assume it was planted in me, like influenced, and it could have been real.  It sounded other-worldly, 1 sound, like a figment dragon.  I was feeling dead, like I was nothing, from seeing The Hobbit.  I even wonder if some of the people were talking to some people who knew about me.  So, I saw other movies, like The Expendables ... 3? and I mean that was different, I think.  I just think that people used to be really racist.  Well, they still are difficult.

Well, all people here seem to know about me is thoughts of my future daughter and maybe son and like what I'm doing, like am I watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  It seems to travel around the store.  It's quite natural.  Well, the people here are pretty crazy, in my opinion.  I have a way of thinking of what people are literally doing.  I guess you could almost say people seem to turn to monsters.  Well, before, seeing from my early blogs, 2010, they seemed pretty mean, the cars going by were all racist, but I got used to it staying here longer.  I could barely make out words, at that point.  It was kinda like sorta like a miracle but seemed hard and a bit like taxing.  I would quickly write it down.  Now, I have a noisemaker and earplugs.  xp  Tired going back to bed I think.  I've been waking up a little crazy since hitting my head.  I know that can kill you.

Racial Desires & Dictates Meshing

It's funny you question "what" about me and don't know my true intent, supposedly.

Problem

So, teens feel bad because they feel racist so they're not better than Johnny Depp.

*BEEP* Tim Burton you are so *BEEP* don't put me in the nigger boat with invalid associations of races.  It's not true.  You can't go making finite statements right and left and make me so mad I post a threat and then go back and make fun of me for it.  Oh, so, other people will do it.  Hm, guess you're just like everyone else.

Problem

STOP THESE MESSAGES I DON'T GIVE A *BEEP* ABOUT YOU

I don't care about Helena Bonham Carter.  I should have a relationship with my mom when I see her.  She's just afraid because she thinks being from out of the U.S. is all that and she's mixed.