Dreams

Right now, I'm thinking of the 2nd 1.  I guess I'll go into a part where someone was kinda in it, Ellen DeGeneres, but I was trying to imagine someone carrying me and someone putting their hand around me.  So, 1st, I imagined like for awhile sometime that someone was carrying me at my butt to their hip.  Stuff like that, like how my legs were actually short and my torso was shorter, something I never thought about, like thought about about nor maybe totally noticed.  Then I imagined I was walking and a someone I was able to make up between 3 people was putting her arm around me to like my elbow for awhile, was a but sappy and then their other hand like over the front of me in places.  At 1 point, I was even imagining in a prior dream, that I was being rubbed but stopped, maybe my stomach.  I'm not sure why, but I liked to lie in bed and feather over my legs in my sleep.  So, in the 2nd dream, I was like in a dangerous land of like Pokémon.  We went into a nursing station with girls at a desk working and someone showed me, put a needle in my hand to let me feel it was fun, like it made my hand feel caring.  Then, they did it in another way again maybe in the other hand.  I contended, thinking, I had other interests, rather than other thoughts that passed me.  It had become dangerous to press against glass.  There was a little zebra, and there were some scary crocodilians.  1 was just with a little fence of rocks on a platform, and it was jutting out, wanting to jump down.  I told them the zebra was in danger.  A more boyish character girl came out with a little tubular rifle and shot out like a bomb bullet and supposedly accidentally hit the zebra, who turned into in some communication a human, like walking with sneakers, like it had dressed up, and its elbow was hit.  Before, I saw a painting with some lady artists in a little tent booth doing art of pinkish zebras and then dolphins with pink tints and a lady would make like a smaller 1 for $10.  I think the big 1 I looked at of dolphins was like $78 or maybe $48 but I think more like $80.  Then, I was like in a dance hall going around.  I guess I was lying down.  Then, I got up with 2 tall, more big girls, from the New Orleans area.  I was thinking of my hight, meditating on it.  It was what it was, 5'1" to 5'4", more short then and kinda made fun of as people seemed to seep in their sleeping bags.  I was being judged, like it was a phantasmagoria with like drums beating in the back, too.  So, I stretched up and found ooh 5'5" ... 5'6"?  So, I went up to a lady in dark lying on the floor on a stage in front with a headband I was twirling around, after a girl from that area who did a lot of dance did something with me.  I said, look, I'm 5'6", or something like that.  The person was like good.  Oh yes, that was Ellen DeGeneres, but it didn't look much like her.  However, I could still dip to 5'1", and I wasn't sure what to do ... as I lay down with a girl, before, I guess, a big girl, I was thinking well I'm still 11, not sure why, so that's why I'm 5'1", which I'm supposed to not be that big, still.  So, before that, we were like traveling, and there was this shower and I was stimulating myself a few times like across the floor.  I was thinking of how Ellen DeGeneres was stimulated "in the same way."  Some people were like coming.  It was like a bath stall or hotel.  So, I was stimulating myself not just in that way.  At 1 point, my dad came in and I was holding a towel, and I left.  Then, this was before the other dream, like we were on a ledge, and my dad was like this is a city, and I almost fell off a cliff corner of sand.  I don't remember what happened next, but it was dangerous.  There was a dream before this 1, too.  Now, I remember, also, at the nursing station, they were gonna give people shots but I guess not me for safety like in a physical defense somehow.  My mom asked if it would explode.  The nurse inserted a shot into her arm, and a long tube of blood filled and a bubble popped at the end.  I spent quite awhile wanting to feel like someone was carrying me, I guess been latching onto how I used to beg my mom to carry me when I was 2 and 3.  I guess it was like feeding birds trying to get that feeling.  Like, sometimes, I had to often base it more on seeing something, though.  I saw it like in pieces, of course, in a complex way, that I probably use, often.  In music, though, I tend to also hear things in pieces, whereas, before, I didn't and was always very bewildered, until maybe a specific song seeped in or I had listened to too much, though I don't remember the songs specifically to their experiences.  I wish I remembered more.  I saved a more happy scene for my Twitter background, a cartoon.  It was kinda dangerous and complicated.  I had about 5 folders, and some were serious, like rocky people.  Also, lately, I've been more stung to not experience a sorta rebuttle of feelings, from watching Ellen DeGeneres, and am thinking something is wrong.  I mean, just more today, I thought that.  I wish I wouldn't have to think something the opposite of what I'm feeling when I'm embarrassed, though.  I just measured myself, too, and I'm, roughly up to 5'5", meaning the average juts there when I stretch my heels down.

College

I see Ginny Kopf is teaching 3 classes at Valencia in the Spring, but I need help to get a loan for college if I go and am not sure if my account works.  Well, the 7th, I can technically make it.  The voice class is closed.  :{  She teaches it somewhere else on Sundays.  Won't people know where I am, if I go?  I post online.  It would be fun to go to a group class, though.  I used to not even think about it when I posted about ballet because I'm not like in eminent danger, necessarily, and must live my life, wherever I am, though I don't think anyone at the easy|maybe "bringing back" classes for adults would hurt me.  I mean, people could see me post about something famous a lot, track me down, and attack people I know.  My mom didn't describe the car accidents she was in.  Also, I post to Ginny, anyway, and you can see where she is.  She's probably not the only one in my life you'd find, and she's not really in my life other than meeting her online and posting on her site, not having talked to her yet I mean anyway.  Let's see, Acting I, which I was gonna take at Seminole or she's also doing an Improvisation class with no Prerequisites.  I didn't take Talented Theater but 1 year of high school, and my local theater didn't teach much.  I might ruin the class.  I probably won't elude to where I am if I go.  I might not even sign up for 1 on time.  I can try.  I think my hold was lifted for this semester, so I will probably sign up, unless I chose not to sign up for it.

So, I'm contacting the college, but it never answers.  Something happened, and it's not about me.

I just called her and left a fairly long message.  I told her not to call me but left my number, assuming she may be sleeping.  I connected with her well and don't really know why.  She left a long message in different languages and accents but nothing like what I'm used to in the New Orleans area.

Also, her Improvisation class is Closed but not Full, didn't say so when I signed up.  So, I might take Acting I.  '8I  The voice class, which is shorter I remember.., is full.  She teaches it in the community, as well.  I could afford it but would prefer to take out a college loan.  I'm glad the class is full, but I don't know why Acting I still has space.

So, I noticed, when I left the message, that my voice was kinda liquidy, for some reason, and thinning.  :,  Huh.

It's funny I didn't think of bad thoughts.

Dreams

The 2nd 1 I remember well now.  What made it interesting is that I was at a school.  I'm not sure why I dreamed someone was carrying me like a kid, again.  It was a lady.  So, it was like, I think in both dreams, you go behind the scenes of a school and it's like a big maze with chairs and stuff around and it's really dark.  Supposedly, it's dangerous.  I guess it was interesting, I knew I was really buried in my bed, and I thought of another hand that was more with bones jutting out, but like rounded, and it turned out it was my hand.  I touched my lips, and I guess I was more physical than I really am, and it was like when you put your hand on someone's mouth, except I was putting my fingers around my lips and thinking of how it would stimulate you, like to make "me" feel better, in attempts to prevent me from letting out a noise.  Otherwise the lady would have pressed my mouth against just below her shoulders.  I guess I thought that my butt was being pressed.

In the dream before, a lady came and 1st contended to someone older and then came up to me, and when she pressed my crotch it was stimulating, like kinda feminine, like fairy-like, and somewhere else.

I know in the last dream, it was like about graduating and going to these shops, 1 small and later a huge 1 of food, like a Super Wal-Mart, though it wasn't a smorgasbord.  I was with my grandma and little brother.  I told my mom I wanted donuts, I think.  I was with a man and black lady with these like sweet biscuits or whatever with colored cream on them and sprinkles.  Like, a more big wooden display.

I don't remember the trek with my friends and peers.  I know we had to walk around places, a maze, in the back, and we found where we came from, thought it was like a little bobsled road but for cars.  Like, we ran into it and had to use it to get to the path.  It was white and kinda like sweet like candy.  The maze was rather long and laborious to cross and not all easily laid out.

I guess the most interesting part was the person holding me.  So, the 1st person was really just a person, but it was like Ellen DeGeneres.  I'm sure thinking of her a lot in my sleep for like a few minutes at a time.  The 2nd person was Aunt 2 with my grandma.  30

So, you get the picture, when I was in the maze with a person carrying me, I guess it interests me in life.. I don't know if it's because my mom is shorter.  I mean, I think everyone is interested.  I guess they just are too busy and don't really get like that sorta feeling of wanting people to be sorry for them or feeling sorry or something like that.  I went out to 711 last night, and the girl at the register, since my nails weren't painted, scanned that "I was" shy, like here we're all kinda in a group, different than other places, which is interesting, not like any 1 other place.  I mean, it's Florida.  Then, she slammed a loud noise at my change.  I had to shift gears.  I guess I'm being spotted and felt for in this area.  It just feels like that's the way things go.  It's hard to understand that, posting online all the time, like.

So, about being carried in a dark room, I guess it was circumstantial.  It was kinda dangerous.  I think, I was supposedly like "little" or "small," feeling how I am, though.  So, it's like you're in this place that's like feasible technically but like has issues and you're being like protected in a kinda strict way but also like being touched and I guess you have to come to accept it.  I know that exercising in your life helps.  I'm guessing that doing arts also helps.  Posting online gives you cyber***.  I'm not sure I quite knock on that.  I'm not sure how most people feel, but I know, here in Orlando, we feel  or I feel kinda like I'm a tube with gel floating in it.  Before, I used to maybe feel my bones.  I'd feel the muscle growing on my forearms.  Like, I'd feel it a little and want to feel it more.  I guess I learned from different women I knew how to feel.  In college, I don't remember as many of those kinds of women.  At Arts school in New Orleans, we had this teacher who looked kinda both smart and attractive and not too thin.  I thought she woke up and took jazz each morning, didn't think too much what it was like to do at home but probably was thinking about aspects of it I'm not remembering now.  She had this resounding voice.  She had fluffy, like wavy and kinda more course light, more reddish yellowish brown hair.  Well, you get the picture.  She had a more fluffy face.  I think she spoke to me once, and I got everything right.  I guess we were in a group, and she said not to be shy.  I don't think people at this place were touching people.  It was a summer session, and me and another girl I played a piano duet with got the highest award.  I also went on Saturdays and was the oldest.  This was my last year.  There were no awards.  She was supposed to come to the college I was at, a prestigious school for music that is not quite as alluring now, I think my 3rd year, when I left and wasn't even in music.  She was a composer and went up to maybe Canada to "just compose," which makes sense, in a group.  I was about to be a Composition major and tried to get in Voice.  I was unaccepted and came back as a Music Education major and didn't audition for Voice and was kicked out of Voice for being shy, for some reason, at the end of the year, as well as out of Music Education.  I started a class since another was taken and then switched to 2 Honors level 2 classes.

Edit

I tagged my last post Arts, also.

Problem

I know that my eyes kinda turned off when I got glasses.  I was feeling pressured a lot for my race and because my dad was not like a wild man and my mom had dark, reddish eyes.  Anyway, I was the best in gymnastics but not on a team but seemed to move up often for some reason and did art since I was 3 or possibly "2."  I was considered artistic all the time.  But then I got glasses but still was a good artist considerably, though when my vision got worse and I moved I guess things looked kinda like I drank coffee.  When my glasses are off and I look at the screen, the colors appear real, like it's still the 90s.  The good thing is I can actually function without glasses, and things don't look blurry in the dark.  I know things weren't blurry before I took the medication.  It might have gotten blurry after I came back from school and we had to move to a house quickly to avoid the constant noise.  I know sometimes things appear blurry but I just feel for my eyes and it becomes corrected.  So, I can actually see, but I can really pressure my eyes.  I need to film my eyes up close.  They're kinda like I guess 90s eyes but have a kinda fuzzy feel of protection, for some reason.  But, no, if I went outside, I would not be able to see things clearly.

Problem

So, can Ellen DeGeneres sing?

Edit

I added 2 videos to my new singing videos playlist, the "Finale" from Les Misérables and "Tonight" from West Side Story, which is probably by Andrew Lloyd Webber (ALW.)

Dream

I was at college going around, and my dad told me what to do.  I wanted to go in a house, and there were these cute cats.  I think, the 1st time I got in, and someone helped me and it lated awhile.  I had written a dream down about a guy from the theater where I used to live getting hurt, the one I wrote about in Twitter.  It was the same thing almost.  He was big.

Then, I remember being involved with my mom.  Well, I was going around and decided, my dad saying okay, to just worry about getting food, to find a McDonald's and asked if I liked it rather and I said yea the chicken sandwich, grilled, and went down the stairs.  Instead, I was at the top floor of a dorm with a really high ceiling.  The rooms were open.  My mom was at a desk in the center with her course book.  I was at UNO.  I was looking at course.  1 I remember was Acting.  It was more interesting than 1 where you present things.  There were words, little descriptions, why I liked it, a clean white catalog, almost the size of a magazine.  There were pictures of kids, including some nice tan 1s who didn't really look like you'd want to be them, unappealing.  1 reminded me of her name, "energy," never thought fo that.  So, supposedly, 1 girl from drama a year older there was the daughter of a witch and never knew her mom.  I thought up north that she did something and looked like a waitress, like she was tortured in a made up way that wasn't graphic.  I thought it was part of the experiment.  So, my math teacher from the other school was like related to her in some way, and I saw a baby in like a cradle crying, a boy, I think in her dorm.  I told them flashing by a little later I didn't know my aunt.  So, I saw on her side, which was like 3 stories high, and clean, like in an institution where we get better and have real adventures, high up, notes to me and around the corner on the other side.  So, what now, I forget.  I guess it was too late, I fell asleep, and then it was even past 12, 12:40, to eat.  I must have went in my dorm, lay down and looked up and realized I was at UNO.  Oh yes, then, she came in and smashed my guitar, a violin, harp, the TV, which was my mom's, though it just left like a film broken over it, so I said nothing.  She said Ellen told her to do it, and I got up madly with 2 pillars, as though someone would hurt me.  I said, "Where is she?  Bring her in!"  It was like she would appear.  I realized it was dangerous for me to sleep so said, "Want me to promise not to hurt her?"  Then, I was like oh yea we don't know I won't, like in my sleep.  Well, my harp sounds different, and an Irish harpist with a French last name just had a baby.  People were going by from 2 of my high schools wondering where I should go, public or Catholic.  I was already mad at someone and didn't know who, I think a lady who was big probably.  I was gonna say more but forgot.

*BEEP*

Is Ellen DeGeneres *beep*

She doesn't even fit in logic to make things work out positively and achieve the goaled outcome.  She thinks I'm not from where she's from.  She thinks it's unfair but not for others.  Well, that's too bad because I'm more accomplished than you because I was a child prodigy!