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I added the Dad tag to my last post.

Problem

My dad is really bad, really mean, like in a hidden way, thinks it's okay for certain reasons, 1st seeing Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory directed by Tim Burton, then me not being able to do well in college partly because my life became an experiment and no one was direct with me, like it was to balance the situation.  Then, I used store cards and thought in the experiment I was supposed to call someone the n word.

The Mall

My dad went to the mall and I think was trying to spread more hypnosis on how to treat me.  Isn't it sick how my dad, mom, and other relatives do that?

Dream

I was tired and don't remember all of it.  Anyway, I remember I was in bed, and I felt people on the sides of me.  I think my arms were being like held, and it felt good, kinda like serious, kinda fuzzy, not necessarily 2 physical hands but not just a force.  I was in a hotel.  I was imagining a series of things happening, I think sometimes with Ellen DeGeneres.  So, I was in the bed, which felt like a fold-out couch bed, with white sheets.  My ears were being pinched, and they couldn't pinch them.  They were being pierced.  This lated awhile but not too too long.  Then, I said something about how I shaved my face.  It as Anne Hathaway.  I said there was hair on my mustache, which I don't know if there is.  She buzzed it, and it just felt good, didn't feel much.  Then, she quickly zipped up my nostrels and I yelled out upset.  Then, a dark shadow of Ellen DeGeneres quickly bent over and hugged me from my head.  It gave me a feeling.  It was for awhile but not very realistic and not the best feeling.  Then, for a long time, the figure massaged the middle of the base limbs of my arms.  Sometimes, I went out it seemed but not just like that, some reason I think.  Sometimes, I think of her roots, and now she was imposing on me the thoughts of her own dad.  Like, she was connecting it to her in my dream.  This lasted so long, the massaging of my arms, which was probably something I was trying to feel and decided to dream about it.  I think I finally got up.  It was a long time, and I thought it was still about her.  Anyway, my cousin had been there.  I saw her.  My face looked different, supposedly influenced from being Jewish.  It had kinda a porcelain look, with more rounded eyes rather than like stretched out round eyes.  My cousin like emitted "Chinese."  She was a little smaller, looked a bit like me when I was younger, like this picture of me when I'm 2-3 up north but not much.  So, I sat with her and some interesting things happened.  Then, it turned out that my aunt's husband's son and some other boys who looked like him were really Ellen DeGeneres at 1 point I think when I was awake, though I don't remember what it really was.  It was like she came back or like an idea of Olivia Newton-John, in the end.  So, we were in a car, and it was like someone was driving and it was hard, and then someone like Olivia Newton-John drove.  I don't remember what was going on, but it's not as interesting as me lying down in the dark.

P1

Someone I Know

My therapist is from Miami and is part Italian.

A Common Notion

A common notion is that people who are born somewhere have the right to say they're from there, if they grow up there until they're a mature age, like 8 or 9 or 10.  It's more like a choice.  It's too bad people don't have a choice if they more there after like age 5, even a problem I guess for some who are younger moving to L.A., probably problems even if they were born after..

The Wealthy

I took a cruise in Fort Lauderdale and saw the mansions.  I'm guessing those people could some be from Florida, from there or Miami, probably.

So, I looked at a photo of a mansion in Key West by the ocean.  It had a pool with the lawn chairs set up.  Too bad people would just say oh well everyone can't live there, how were we supposed to know.  Guessing that family isn't from there.  I saw a black and white photo, too.  Guessing those people are ghosts, now.

My aunt's husband is from Miami, and I not too long ago found his parents are from Cleveland.  I don't know where he was born.  He has it together.  They go on vacations, a lot.  He became an army colonel.  He's pretty tall, an average size, drinks beer.

It seems like people with families from New Orleans.

Problem

So, Johnny Depp moved to Florida at 7, supposedly, and so did some people I knew, at least 2 but I think more.  I know someone else at 9.  I bunch them together, for some reason.  Well, it was a certain area of Florida, the oldest continuing city in the U.S.  The family who moved later aren't very substantial, anymore.  Guess they lost their appetite and their dad.  I knew she used to eat in her room at a young age.  Not very good food.  She had good breakfast.  I mean it was tasty but not to my liking.  I think for me they had fried chicken.  My mom made that a lot, for some reason, I mean got at the grocery store.  I remember someone who moved at 11 and probably more but people who moved schools.  I know someone who moved somewhere else at 15.  No one is doing well, in these places, like people from California.  I have a cousin, but I don't think I can count her because she's related to me.  Also, she's very different.  She's different in the same way as my brother, both about the same age, her a year younger, same month even.  I have the feeling my cousin held onto her mom being from Pennsylvania.  She does seem foreign but is accepted in the family, in that way.  In Orlando, there are more people open about growing up here.  I was surprised to see an old politician from here.  Well, I don't know about people from out-of-the-U.S.  I guess it's just that.  Still, there's something else special about being from a certain place.  There's my brother.  For some reason, it seems worse for him, too.  Maybe it's also his birth year.  You can guess that Latinos are known to preserve their culture, though they seem to infiltrate, the rich ones or the skinny ones with straight hair.

Problem

My dad seems to have gotten quite mad, forgot what he said.  Not really.  He went to see my therapist, and I stayed home.  I think she talked to him about my blog.  I already invited him to go comment.  I'm supposed to usher him to it or whatever.  He seems to be sorta boastful or what's the word, puffing out his chest, proud of his mom's antics after the n word thing, like thinking "her son" is important and he needs to hurt me since my life is getting better.

Also, why is Tim Burton such a scardy cat?  I thought cool people from L.A. were stronger.  That is so suggestive, you know?  I read, also, though, that his parents came from Canada.  You have to watch out for people from Canada and Latin America.  Sometimes, people think this of Australia or maybe like definitely the Filipins.. they went on rattled on about how it was like I forget no unreal and 3rd world.

It was a safehouse for Hispanics, I guess mixed people.  Lots of mixed people are in Australia, Texas, and L.A. and California.  NYC.  I know of at least 1 more white Asian in NYC.

I'm upset because my dad seems upset that people from Florida never liked him.  He's bad.  He treated me badly for things I did.  It wasn't anything like concrete nor blunt nor like very bad very often you'd concur from me, in the end.  It seems like my relationship with Florida went down the drain.  So, what do you think about Elle Fanning living in L.A.?  It's a safehouse for actors.  I don't know if I wanna count her, anymore.  She moved at age 1 and seems conceited about Georgian heritage but despises it just to think it's cool and now looks kinda sad.  Maybe, she'll get better.  I think she's trying to look different and has been going through too many changes.

Problem

Did you notice Ellen DeGeneres kinda holding in?  Someone is mad I didn't follow her on Twitter over the summer.  I don't know why I didn't feel invited.  =|

Also, I think Aunt 1 is antsy I switched blogs after I got mad, like that was the result, like a reward and not a change.  Most bad people get extra attention and things.

Problem With My Attitude?

I'm mad at my mom for getting in 2 car accidents that gave her an eye injury and gave her glasses.

When my dad comes, I'm no longer happy, I guess because of things he's done to me and other things he's supposedly caused.

My Mom in Glasses

She hasn't been eating breakfast.  I'm afraid that the reason was because I didn't eat a hearty breakfast growing up.  I got glasses at 9.  I think I had poptarts starting at 6.  Maybe, that's why.  Before, I remember having eggs and toast.  After, bagels with butter.  After, I think I made full meals.  In college, PBJ, from Whole Foods, or not sure what else, Odwalla bars, sometimes bought an Odwalla smoothie.  Odwalla chocolate bars are really good and so are other flavors or were to me.

I don't really see that someone has to have breakfast.  She eats a full supper and a scanty yet quite compiled lunch, it seems..  I was actually worried the whole time, in disbelief, these, however long, living here 7½ years.  I know she's done this since living in this place, 5 years.  I think I counted wrong.  Can't figure it out, for some reason.

I don't know what she used to have for breakfast but used to have tea for bead.

So, people shouldn't get mad at parents just because their kids don't eat breakfast.  I know that some people have their moms make them breakfast.  I didn't really wake up in time, and I think my mom gave me every meal.  I think I lost energy eating school lunch, the unhealthy kind because it tasted good.  Then, I started having more health-based lunches.  That's not why I couldn't read and succeed in a lecture, all of a sudden, much, at all.  I didn't even want the apple.  I wanted breakfast, might have had it once or twice.

New Videos of Me Singing

Have to put them in the playlist at some time.

YouTube

Back to Bed

Feeling heavy, had 2 French bread pizzas, feeling kinda like rough and chewy but with that feeling I may throw up.  I couldn't lay on my stomach, need to work out.

I don't want to go out tonight.  My mom doesn't want me to.  I may just go for a stroll nearby and look at the lights.

Feeling dirty, like I need a bath but more tired yet restless.  Too bad.  Not sure why.  Should I have gone to bed sooner?  I did get lost for about ½ hour.

Dream

It was kinda really dangerous in ways was dangerous from the start I mean.  I think Ellen DeGeneres was in it.  It was a dark place where you find rooms, like in a video game or fantasy.  I went to a class of Órla Fallon twice, with my family, going through text, and I conquered in the end.  She left, at 1 point.  I think I was onto her.  It was about me not following her in the summer having a baby and how I was seeing if following her would work out.  She had a low, resonating voice with a twanging, non-country, in it, like my harp's low notes got, around when her baby was born.  Then, there was a time when a little magical demon came that was magical and trying to murder us, I guess, though it wasn't like crystal clear as to what it was doing, probably jumping about, more like "the" villain.  It went behind a like cheap sorta carpeted, gray wall.  I guess it came back with 3 more people there.  It was like I was there with my mom and dad, didn't want to be with them in this dream, for the 1st time, felt a lot of irritation.  So, then, these 2 long, tall characters were like fighting it and got it in a box and were killing it with zaps, like saying it was Voldemort.  Then, I woke up.  It was interesting, nice I conquered and was gonna follow this person in the summer, follow in some way, like studying.

Racial Profile

People won't accept if you had a more trashy Chinese background or more quality European background.  My culture isn't as white but more, er, un-Asian.

Edit

I gave "Feed the Birds" *** and "Leaving on a Jet Plane" ****.

No Justification

What would you do if you didn't justify a reason and just made something bad?

New Videos of Me

Trying to call Ginny Kopf.

YouTube

Unsurprised

Why are people unsurprised to see a European-looking Chinese?

Seeing Things in the Mist

Did you think that Ellen DeGeneres heaves a sigh of disapproval when someone else sees something in the mist but her herself does it a lot?

Well, having said what was on my mind, I guess I should figure it out.  There may be a reason.  Maybe, it's how people act, but there's truth to it, in some way.

Also, I got a lot of negative connotation from the idea that Portia might have some racist background against people like me.  Not sure how interesting that is to most people...  I mean, anything should spark an interest, but it's kinda negative and confusing and a lot at once, for me.

My Parents

So, I wasn't supposed to talk to strangers growing up.

My mom is open to black people but not strong, though I don't really feel withheld.

My dad seems to think they're humble, racially.

Problem

I'm fed up with people getting back at me for getting mad at the things that happen as a result of the popularity of Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton.

I met a black guy today who worked somewhere, and I ended up inquiring about him in some way that led to him giving me his race, which he tried to say was mixed.  Then, he said he thought I was Chinese, and he said like oh your eyes and some other stuff I don't remember and the hair.  I don't really see how my hair is Chinese.  He asked if I was full-blooded Chinese, though.  However, he was kinda abusive, and he made me feel like I was kinda tacky and weak.  I walked with him and talked for it seemed like 45 minutes.  He has my number and is supposed to call.

How My Parents Taught Me

My dad never wanted me to think things were cute and pleasurable in order to succeed morally speaking.  My mom never encouraged me to be racist.

Problem

What about people who attack at coincidences?

Also, I don't believe into falling into the trap of submitting to perverted pleasures.  If you need to fix something, do it the right way.

Locked Out

I was just locked out of Facebook.  I did have trouble typing in the password and I got sent a code to my Blackberry cellphone.

Just Got Back

I just passed my home.

Street was quiet, light just turned green.
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Closed

Valencia is closed, tomorrow. It's the community college, the major 1. I had mentioned I tried to sign up for Ginny Kopf's class. All the classes said I didn't meet the prerequisites.
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Frozen

I had to put my coat on. My fingers are frozen.
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Hot

I had to take off my coat.
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Blood

I had lines of blood from my crotch that seemed strangely like battle leaks.
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Here I go...

In the naked cold, smells/feels like the Cleveland area, in early October or mid.
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The Chinese

Did you actually go all out and give up like combining the appealing parts of the Chinese with being more European to appear more fair to the European race?

New Music Videos

Collected @ YouTube